At the beginning of my walk, as a new follower of Christ, there was a song that came out. Broken Vessels by Hillsong stayed on repeat for weeks and I daresay that months would not be an exaggeration. Each note hit my newly opened heart like it was the first time I had experienced music. Each verse felt that it was specifically written to tell the tale of my life.
The song goes over how we feel and how God responds. Many of us have been broken down, felt unloved and as if we were hanging off a cliff- saved by a string. For me, this song lets me know that I am loved and that you are loved.
Broken and Scattered
The broken and scattered pieces of my life were pieces that I blamed on others. I am verbally abusive because I was verbally abused. I am stubborn because it is a learned trait. I’m unable trust or love others because it was shown to me that only the weak are open and care. A truly broken and lost soul that had failed relationships on every corner. The first verse took me on a ride to the, at the time, present state of my broken marriage. One which I felt was past healing since it was already filed for divorce and a restraining order.
I learned that environment has a big effect on how we grow and learn but that it does not define who we are. Hillsong’s Broken Vessels did not effect me so strongly because it stayed in a broken state but because they sang of how amazing God’s grace and love for us is.
What is love?
Now how could I, a divorced, anti-relational, almost emotionless wreck find it possible to be forgiven from a God so perfect that he sacrificed his only son? How, when the only “love” I knew was of a toxic and manipulative nature? Though broken in spirit and mentally at a point where darkness felt inescapable, and literally was a weight on my chest, Jesus whom is free of blemishes and of a perfect love filled my broken pieces with love and sympathy.
A perfect love and an understanding that, though I was broken and though I continued in many ways to heal, I am loved. No matter your story you are loved. God gives us love in the form of Jesus and goes on to describe what the perfect love is in 1 Corinthians 12, verses 4-8:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
Through this passage, and through reading the exploits of Christ, I know for certain that no matter who I was and who I will become that Jesus is love and that through him I have been forgiven. I know that by going through the process of healing that I have been able to see that he is able to love others this same way.
Light Always Shines Through the Darkness
I learned through my healing process that Jesus was with me the entire time. He was there while I was broken and picked up the pieces and put them back together. Before being saved life was full of painful bitter memories, fear, and cruelty. “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” A Psalm of David, Psalm 23:4 is forever ingrained in my heart. Life without Jesus is like being in a never ending pitch black hole full of sadness, fear and depression.
Light will always shine through the dark. It will forever bring a calm peace and security to the mind. The light of Christ will forever be the overwhelming love placed new in my once broken heart. At this point I felt there was no reason to continue and I had been rescued from that pit of despair. In some way and at some point we have all been broken. We each have a story where we had lost our way, or where we feel we were not shown the correct path.
When lost in the woods, when scared in the dark, or even as simple as looking for something under the couch we always shed light on the situation in order to move forward. The light to be shed on a broken life is Christ.
Loved and with Purpose
“She especially liked being loved, and he had submerged her in his attentiveness. By making her feel so often that she existed for him, he made her truly exist. No, she was not alone.” – Albert Camus
Though broken we have never been without purpose. Even a mosquito has a purpose for its life and if something so small has a purpose how much more is your purpose as the child of God? When we are feeling lost our focus has been deterred from who we are and what we are to do. Our enemy has tried to confuse us because he is scared of us. Scared of our purpose and scared of the impact that we will have on those around us.
You are Loved
Though I have written it several times I will write it again: You are LOVED. So loved that God sent his son to the cross. So loved that this said son willingly went to the cross. Jesus died willingly. He walked with the people and knew the darkness that plagued their hearts, the same darkness that may try to plague our hearts and made the choice to save us. To make an entrance into heaven by being the way.